Building True Rapport

Rapport is when we feel on the same wavelength as someone; we feel in sync and connected on an emotional level. We feel connected with a person, as if there is no barrier between us and them. We feel comfortable and natural and as though we like and know this person – as if somehow they are the same as us. We feel comfortable and good about ourselves around them.

There are many techniques for building rapport, but techniques are limited because they are just that: a technique. When we start trying to build rapport by using a technique so that we can make a successful sale or build relationships, we are fundamentally flawed. True rapport is created when we are not trying to manipulate for our own end gain. Rapport is created from an intention to not achieve anything for yourself. It’s created from a desire to deeply understand someone and to see the positives within them. When trying to build rapport with someone, the only question to ask yourself is, ‘Do I really care?’

When speaking to people…if I am asking them questions about their weekend and their wife and kids, do I really care what their weekend was like?  People very quickly know if you don’t really care because you no longer listen, you are not present with them or you are thinking about how you can get them to do something you want. When you are not listening, people find themselves to be boring and either stop talking or stop engaging in what they are saying. They start thinking, ‘Why is this person not listening to me? What are they thinking about?’ and they stop being engaged in what they are saying. Below are some handy tips to help you listen better and build rapport:

First…here’s an example of rapport breaking down all together

Handy tips:

• Become curious about other people
• Listen to understand and avoid listening to interrupt
• Acknowledge what people say to you
• When you are listening to yourself…you cannot be listening to the other person
• Suspend your judgement about the other person
• Don’t look over the person’s shoulder for someone more interesting
• Try to find out one thing you did not know about a person on a regular basis
• Focus on interests rather than positions i.e. we all have a ‘position’ and ‘interests’ about a subject
• Make the conscious choice to really listen to people you are talking to…if you are thinking about what you had for dinner you are not listening
• Be present in the moment at all times
• Watch other people’s body language or listen for their tone of voice, listen for the unsaid
• Ask genuine questions. A genuine question is one that stems from curiosity; you ask to learn something you do not already know. A rhetorical or leading question is one you ask to make your point of view known without having to actually state it. For example, the question “Do you really think that will work?” is not a genuine question because embedded in your question is your own view that you don’t think it will work. However, you can easily convert this to a genuine question by first stating your views. You might say, “I’m not seeing how this will work because we only have three staff members. What are you seeing that leads you to think it will work?”
• Seek to enjoy every interaction you have with people
• However clear you may feel about your understanding of the answers, it can be worth reflecting back from time to time and summarizing.  This ensures correct understanding, demonstrates attention and reassures people that they’re being fully heard and understood. This will play a major part in building trust.
• Look for ways in which we see the world in the same way as someone else and let them know that
• Try opening up and disclosing some personal information about yourself. The more open we are, the more people feel as if there is nothing hidden and they can trust us

None of the above will work, unless you really care about interacting with the person you are talking to.

Sean@Bluesky

www.blue-sky.co.uk

Tags: advertising, Blue Sky, Bluesky, business, Connection, Curious, Focus, Judgement, Marketing, politics, Rapport, Sean Spurgin, Technique